• Keonna Shaw

No Matter How It Looks

Updated: Jan 23, 2020

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Advance Notice: In this blog, I am transparent, and I share some real and raw thoughts as I choose to walk by faith and not what I can physically see.

Before daybreak, I woke up early searching scriptures on how I had been feeling. While reading an article online, the Holy Spirit commanded me to “Stay the Course.” Those words kept ringing in my ear.

For a short moment, I began thinking;

I’ve never been in this place I’m in now.

I’ve never battled these things mentally.

My Faith has taken a blow.

I don’t feel like I’m able to keep my head above water.

At times, I feel as if I’ve sunken into a pit.

Even though I have endured much pain in my life, I’ve never experienced the pain of miscarrying and required by the doctor to give birth to my stillborn baby (Zoey).

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The trauma, grief, and mental anguish after this miscarriage was an experience like no other. Some days emptiness and sadness would consume me.

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.” ‭‭

Psalms‬ ‭73:26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The moment my husband and I miscarried Zoey (our angel baby), I immediately began asking God to change my perspective. I asked him, “God, what do you want me to learn?” I didn’t want to lose my Faith; it was just hard to see and make sense of it all. I kept telling God; I know you are Good, Faithful, and Sovereign. Your plans are not to harm me but to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) But I couldn’t ignore the thoughts and feelings. I battled between trying to understand WHY IT HAPPENED?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There were moments I felt like I couldn’t hold on any longer. I remember saying I should give up this walk isn’t for me. I must be doing something wrong. How can this work together for my good?

“And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭AMP‬‬

I battled with being vulnerable and transparent about our loss. I was scared of how others would look and think of me if they knew I had these questions and thoughts. But I AM HUMAN. And guess what? It doesn't make me less of a Christian. My emotions are real and raw! And I know it is my responsibility to be transparent to encourage other women who have experienced a miscarriage or loss of a baby. There is extreme importance on sharing the pain, rawness, and transparency while healing occurs.

Our mind has been programmed if we have questions and voice our concerns to God, especially the bad ones, we can’t be a Christian.

So please don’t be afraid to talk and tell God and share your raw feelings with others.

Our questions and thoughts allow us to grow in our relationship with God, and it also strengthens our walk with God.

My encouragement for you today is to “Stay The Course.” During your pain, trials and grief continue to TRUST God even though you may not understand. Ask him to help you trust him and trust that there is a purpose for what you’re facing right now.

Repeat Declaration: No Matter How It Looks, No Matter How I Feel, God I Trust You!!

“Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us,”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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